Dear Potentially Homeless Man,

First of all, let's get one thing straight, are you even homeless? I know that there are a bajillion homeless people in this city, and that you may well be one of them, but I was somewhat confused. You didn't look that homeless, how am I supposed to know?

Secondly, why were you blocking our way? Do you assume that blocking people will make them like you more and therefore give you more moneys? I have news for you, you're wrong. Especially when you don't even look that homeless.

Thirdly, what is your angle? As I mentioned before, there are tons of homeless folks in this city. The ones I see usually have a sign letting us know who they are, and why they're there. You did not have a sign, nor did you say anything. And since you did not look totally homeless, I couldn't help but wonder what on earth it was you were doing. Why were you standing there blocking us all with your arms extended? Were you asking for change? Did you want my recycling? Did you think you were Jesus? I didn't see any stigmata on your hands, and besides Jesus wouldn't wear a track-suit jacket like that. I just know he wouldn't.

In short, I have a few recommendations for you.

1. if you are going to panhandle, get an angle. make me feel bad for ignoring you.
2. show up dressed for the part. if you're just some dude wearing a track jacket with his arms extended, how do I know that you're panhandling?
3. seriously, move to another town. there's too much competition here. move to a small town where you can be the token track-suit wearing homeless guy.
4. look less creepy. really i don't have any better advice than that.

Well I hope I don't run into you again, but if I do, I hope you have taken some of my advice.

Yours Truly,
-sabs.

Eat cheetos for dinner.

Really you don't. I did it, and I didn't have to get anyone's permission.

Just don't tell my mom, okay? She'll still chew me out.