Dear Totally Disaffected Bike Messenger,

I know, your job can probably get a bit tiresome, riding around in circles all day, back and forth, back and forth. And I realize that business may not be as good as it used to be — you know with the economy being crap and oh maybe something called the internets. However I have to question someone with as much disaffection as you exhibited the other day.

You walked in to our office and practically slithered across the floor. You wanted to know who Ashley was, and when we pointed to her desk — which was only like 5 feet away — you glared at it, glared back at us, and then skulked the rest of the way to her desk. You then threw the package on to her desk with so much ennui, I thought perhaps you had just decided life was not worth living. In fact, I was slightly worried that you would just drop to the ground, and that we might end up with a Radiohead Just situation.

If you are this dissatisfied by your job, I suggest you find a new one. How about a career as an undertaker’s assistant? Allison believes it would suit you well, and I’d have to say I firmly agree.

xoxo,
-sabs.