Dear Crazy Lady on 16th Street,

Thanks for entertaining me this evening. I was about a block away when I first noticed you and your friend. I thought to myself, “oh boy, this is going to be fun.” And you know what? It was! You and your pal sure did not disappoint!

First there was the stumbly drunken walking. I mean there’s nothing like being drunk before the sun goes down. Especially when you’re in public, Second there was the sort of frantic pace in which you were walking in to every single business on the street. You repeatedly walked in and then walked out. I saw you do this to at least three different places. I wasn’t quite sure what was happening until I was right by you and overheard you say to your friend, “It doesn’t matter now. I just had an accident.” That’s when I realized that you were trying to use the restroom in these establishments and they weren’t letting you in!

So now crazy lady, I have to ask why on earth would you tell your friend that you just went in your pants? (Note: your pants didn’t look wet, so I can only pray that it was number one and not two) Also, why on earth did you feel it necessary to yell this down the street. Now we all know that you had an “accident.” Isn’t that something you want to keep private?

Look, you entertained me quite well this evening. And to thank you, I’ll give you this one small piece of advice. Remember this and you might just be okay. No one needs to know if you had an “accident.” No one.

xoxo,
-sabs