Dear Mark-Paul Gosselaar,

I recently saw you in your new series Raising the Bar. The show is so-so and while there are a load of crimes on it, the major crime they are not dealing with is your hair. Seriously, what is up with that hairdo? Was that your choice, or the show’s stylist? If it’s the stylists then you have to ask them why they hate you so much. I mean seriously, it’s not flattering. At all. In fact, I’d say it makes you downright unattractive.

Oh wait, is this your master plan? Are you trying to make people forget that you were once a teen hearthrob and take you more seriously as an actor? I don’t think it matters that much to be honest. To some you will always be Zach from Saved by the Bell, and for others you’re now going to be that guy from Raising the Bar with the awful hair. You don’t want to be that guy now do you? I didn’t think so.

So do yourself, and all of us a favor, and get a haircut.
Please and thank you.

Xoxo,
-sabs.

ps: while I have your ear, I would like to know what is up with the crease in the middle of your forehead. care to explain?

Dear Vampire Weekend,

Hi there. Oh is this the band? Sorry for the miscommunication, this letter’s not for you. I have other words for you such as, I don’t understand the hype, and can’t believe the lady on KQED (that’s our NPR affiliate) actually called you “NPR darlings,” but this isn’t for you. This letter is for my past weekend.

For the record I have never really been into vampires. While I know many folks who are hot for vampires, and I once even had a thing with a guy who everyone said looked like a vampire, I have never been interested. I’ve never read an Anne Rice novel, I’ve never seen an episode of Buffy (hipsters back off, I’ll watch it eventually), and I’ve never tasted a bowl of Count Chocula. My point here is that I’m not totally sure how we ended up together.

It all started off when I received a free copy of Twilight (fyi I didn’t even know it was about vampires when I said, “sure I’ll read it” ). And even though the plot has some awful development holes, the characters are a bit shallow, and the climax happens all too quickly in a sort of glossed over unsatisfying kind of way, I could not put the damn thing down. I went to bed late and woke up early just so I could read the entire book. Then today I tune in to HBO and realize that True Blood (their new vampire show) has fallen firmly into the “save until I delete” camp (versus, the “Tivo and hope it doesn’t get deleted for space” camp).

You know vampire weekend, I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I guess I had a good time, and am not asking for any of it back, but going forward, can we cool things down a bit? Maybe take it a little slower? I think I can devote a few hours a week to vampires (after all there are three of those dumb books left to read, and True Blood was just renewed for a 2nd season), but no more entire weekends. Okay?

xoxo,
-sabs.

I know I might be in the minority here, but Ben (previously Henry, lovingly called Benry in my household) is one of my favorite characters on Lost. (Since we're just becoming acquainted, I should also mention that like many other folks I am captivated by the storyline that is Lost.)

So when I read that Michael Emerson (who, and I know I can't be the only one here, reminds me a wee bit of Thom Yorke) was nominated for an Emmy today, I said in my best native Northern Californian tone, "that's hella great."